he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
