pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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