This girl is more easily done than said...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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