i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
