i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
