WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
