If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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