oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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