So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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