I heard we made out
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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