Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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