i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
