Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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