I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
