I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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