My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
