So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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