FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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