just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
