Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
