2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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