so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
