So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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