i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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