My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
