im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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