I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
