phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
