Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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