I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
