I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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