I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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