everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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