My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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