dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
