My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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