ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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