Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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