weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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