well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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