So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
