They should really pass out barf bags in church
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
