Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
