There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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