....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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