so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Couch. On fire.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
