Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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