Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
