Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
