dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
