We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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