i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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