its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
