haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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