There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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