I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
