Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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