Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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