So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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