the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
