Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
