my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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